Finally someone gets us!!

I am sure most of you are sick of my whole 'PK' thing by now, but i just can't seem to get it out of my head. Everything i look at on the internet just makes me so angry at the way people treat and view pastor's kids.

The latest article i read had me in tears by the end of it. It talked alot about how 'you should be counting your blessings and happy that your parents are good christians instead of drunks'. But in the end it was pretty much saying 'suck it up, there's worse positions to be in.'

I think as pk's we all understand there is alot worse positions to be in. As in one of my earlier blogs it is said that 95% of pk's say that their time in the church was good, and that nothing bad happened.Yet 80% end up with some type of depression. I think we all realise that the fact or Dad's are pastors is not a bad thing!! But the fact is, there is something about being involved in the church which makes the majority of PK's need to endure counselling (in some cases years of it), and have serious 'labels' for themselves, God and the church. I don't think you can say 'just suck it up.' What made me even more angry about this article is how at the end they said "and anyway, you get free pastoral care." Um... yeah.

On one website i found what many of us feel about our homes summed up in one sentence "It isn't a safe haven from the world but instead is a place where everyone is always watching and ready to jump in and offer criticism."

On ask.com they had a discription of what a PK was. It also described the two main types of PK's. The 'holier-than-thou' PK. Who is often a snob, likes to preach to everyone and can never be wrong. And then there's the 'rebelious PK' who jusy 'dos anything to avoid church'. Why for once can't we just have a normal PK who does neither??

I found a website where some PK's had put up their own experiances. One which broke my heart, cause i have been there and still struggling to get out of it, is that the PK's are sometimes the loneliest kids about. They find it hard to have true friends. The have good friends, but none which they tell absolutely everything to. Its funny, cause my closest friends have no idea about what i go through/gone through. I don't talk to them about stuff like that because of things i have always been taught to believe, whether or not its correct. The same article talks about how we then find it hard to find a decent spouse, because if they don't fit the churches description of what a good husband/wife makes then its seen as rebelion. So we settle for a 'good christian' in a safe enviroment and often in end back in the parsonage. It also talks about how we learn to put on 'happy faces'. It is estimated we wear these masks 85% of the time.

The same article also said this 'By 14 a preacher’s daughter should be old enough to teach in the toddler class. After all she’s been schooled in the basic Bible stories since she was in the crib. They learn they must never show anger or disappointment or sadness because "the Lord knows best" (disappointment) and "its not up to them to want revenge. Vengeance is mine saith the Lord" (anger) or "the joy of the Lord is my strength"(sadness). They learn early on they are held to a higher standard than the rest of the youth in congregation because "they are a role model whether they want to be or not".' I had to laugh. I was a leader in my Sunday School by the time i was 13, although the rest sorta just, once agian, showed me how pathetically similar PK's experiances are. One which little bit which got me quite angry went like this 'People are not willing to listen to problems the preacher’s kid may have. If they do open up enough to talk about whatever is bothering them, they are told very politely that they should just give it to God. They are expected to always have answers to everyone’s problems and be a listener but never have anyone who is willing to listen to them. This can lead to anger. Anger at God, anger at parents, even anger at church members.'

In a different article but same website someone wrote 'They have lived in a world where its not safe to express their true feelings, a world where they learn early on their father’s job is often contingent upon their behavior. Their formative years were spent in a world where at the tender age of 5 they are expected to act like an adult and where by the age of 7 or 8 they have learned never to trust anyone and not to ever say anything bad about their family... A world where they weren’t allowed to make mistakes because daddy would lose his pastorate and they would not have a home to live in.'

I think that is probably enough ranting for now. Sorry if your getting sick of it all. Although, i did have to love the website i found on a 'guide to buying your pastor's children presents'. One of my favourite tips: Don't buy them religious items. Church dominates their lives already. They just want to have "normal" childhood experiences. Finally someone gets us!!